A pre-dated update, after two days on the road with only marginal footballing action. All the better after Spain’s defeat against Switzerland, their first ever.

Rain on Spain’s Parade

Defeat was bitterly disappointing, considering that Spain showed up to play football and found before itself a rival committed to nothing more than making life hell for them. Unfortunately, it worked, which asks some questions of the team.

Firstly, why do Spanish coaches become so conservative at tournaments? Shouldn’t fidelity to a team’s identity be a fluid concept? Especially considering the fact that nobody on Earth expected the Swiss to try and win a midfield battle (they have not allowed a World Cup goal against them since 1994, when they lost to Spain). Del Bosque clogged up the midfield with Xavi, Xabi Alonso, and Busquets, thus frustrating Spain’s attacking momentum. Of course, the bigger your team, the more reluctant you are to tinker as you fear that you will be criticized for not using your “brand name” solutions. Should this have been a game to throw in some big attacking players like Llorente (1.95m tall) or Javi Martínez (1.90m)? Pedro, while having a great year at Barça, came to this team too late and looked well out of his element.

In all, Spain’s chances are still very good, unless Switzerland suddenly decide to start playing like Argentina. British and Americans love to pull out facts such as “no team has ever won after losing the opener,” though Argentina (‘90) and Italy (‘94) came pretty damned close. It is, after all, for a reason that we bother to hold the World Cup instead of just handing it out to the Brazilians or Italians.

African Letdown

South Africa got thumped by a somewhat shallow Uruguay side. Nigeria knocked down by the Greeks, for their first ever win in the World Cup since Socrates and Plato took on Aristophanes’s theatre crew in a kickabout. Cameroon and Algeria have started dreadfully as well–will they better the prospects of African football as a whole?

All eyes on Ivory Coast this weekend–their match with Brazil should be the decider as to the progress of the African game. Robo-Drogba set to start–I am no longer taking bets on which side of himself he’ll dive to!

Mexico’s New Cinco de Mayo

A slightly controversial offside no-call marked the opening goal, which led to increased appeals to introduce the Adidas Offside Blast Ball™, which would automatically produce a powerful explosion when touched by a player in an offside position.

Domenech. Enough said. For him, making it this far was a triumph in and of itself. Anywhere else, he would have been fired six times by now, and replaced by his archrivals (aka, any player who has every played for him and done well in spite of him).

South Korea vs. Greece: The National Anthem Battle

Sadly, this has become the first Anthem DeathMatch that I’ve missed, due to my inability to wake up at 7:30 in the morning. Is it safe to call it a draw?

The Match

The visual clarity of the first World Cup™ I’ve seen in HD™ has led this display of football to be infinitely more painful than one could ever imagine. What does the future have in store for technologically enhanced sub-par entertainment?

The tie featured the Greek Neo-Classical style of football: perplexing length, enigmatic presentation (will they ever connect more than 2 passes?), and very tall players, all the while asking ominously profound questions of our ability to tolerate their style). It’s a repeat of 2004’s ultra-defensive and counterattacking side, only not very good at defense, and unable to actually counterattack.

Meanwhile, South Korea copes with its second straight World Cup without direct referee assitance. Their last World Cup began with an encouraging defeat of Togo, a draw with France, but a defeat to Alpine Powerhouse Switzerland that ensured currywurst would be their only World Cup consolation. They stay true to their style of massive capitalist production, but struggle to match the quality of the products they are competing with.

Nonetheless, the Greeks out-dismal the Koreans for a 2-0 final score in favor of the South Korea. To quote Scott Murray of the Guardian: “Though I didn’t think they’d have any chance of out-haplessing their 1994 squad, and they’re giving that a good go.”

Politically Correct Picks: South Korea vs. Greece

At first glance, a winner seems clear; the Greek way, once one of wisdom and intellect, has become one of overspending and shambolic recovery efforts, helping to plunge their neighbors into monetary uncertainty. Not to mention widespread accusations of state police brutality during the revolts in Athens in the past couple of years. Just when the Koreans appear set to win, an own-goal pops out of nowhere: the Korean animal rights issue (dog-b-q, anyone? not to mention all the YouTubes out there of Koreans serving still-alive animals) jumps into the forefront, hitting Western civilization where it most hurts: right in the puppies. Result: a draw.